Hopes and Dreams

 Photo from the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

When I was a Global Xchange volunteer for VSO about five years ago, we were often asked to write about our hopes and dreams. Then toward the end of our volunteer stint, our program supervisors (PS), Abi and Patrick sat each of us down, and asked us what we have done the past six months, and what we thought were our accomplishments and contributions to the team and community.

That was one of the toughest moments of my life. But volunteering was one of the best moments of my life.

It was hard to look back about our hopes and dreams, to figure out and claim aloud our inputs to the cause. But an hour or so later, we had figures and rough statistics. Community action days came to mind. Hours spent on something. Outputs and results.

Most of my teammates and I have come a long way since our volunteering days. Our PSs have much to be proud of, I think.

Yet five years on, despite what seems like an uphill trajectory for me, I still have hopes and dreams that have not materialized. My closest friends and former colleagues at work often say, "if only outsiders knew what we actually do, they wouldn't wish to work here."

Yes. A few years ago, I started working for a dream organization. That January, I was choosing between working for the United Nations or the Asian Development Bank. Then I got thisclose to working on my dream topic: development effectiveness.

Simply put, my dream career would be about making sure that development interventions and every $ spent achieved its desired development results, and has a positive impact on the community.

My most fulfilling job function ever was reviewing development results for technical assistance projects completed by the institution I worked for. The analysis was based on sector and themes, which we had to link with different fund sources as well as overall institutional strategy. It would have been more fun if we checked how aligned they were with country strategies. A bit nerdy, I know.

But these things thrill me. I was so thrilled I even wrote my thesis advisers thank you notes for enduring my stubbornness to do aid coordination and transaction costs between two multilateral funders for my master's thesis.

Yet as a I write, I've procrastinated on 4 power point presentations, with just 4 slides each, about 4 sectors (trade policy, transport, trade facilitation, and energy) for a meeting in June that I will not attend anyway. The presentation is simply about the achievements and issues on these sectors. Easy. But I have no motivation.

And I wonder why. Maybe because I do not see the results of these meetings. I participated, prepared and was privy to several meetings online and offline that came to naught simply because one country rejected the participation of another. So much for cooperation. Despite the infused billion $ and opportunities to "discuss" and "harmonize" during meetings, what outcomes have really been achieved?

I had the same impressions after volunteering in Mindanao. After the grassroots organizations got funding overseas, they would hold these training sessions, pass an attendance sheet, have the training in video. And was that it? Where's the results? How do you measure effectiveness?

This topic has always intrigued me. Although I must admit, I have never really applied for a job related to this, I hope someday, I get to work on this. Maybe through an internship while at RUB, and a proper career after. I hope this dream can come true too! Just like working for that organization, and getting a scholarship. Again.

As I procrastinated and slept today (I am recuperating from a life-threatening illness atm), I had time (I was procrastinating!) to read most of my e-mail subscriptions, and even LinkedIn. Then I saw this discussion thread on M&E for someone aspiring to be in the field and would want to know where to acquire skills. One link led to another and I came across this M&E Manual. It's like M&E for dummies. I love!

Maybe, just maybe, I can intern at InProgress next year too!  Although I would much rather be in Bonn or Frankfurt, I fell in love with Berlin the first time I went there. It was both old and new but not in a London kind of way. It was chic, cool, funky and very socially oriented. Just the right size. And has more canals than Amsterdam, and practically a direct train ride from Prague. But far from Frankfurt where my heart is.

We will see how hopes and dreams materialize. Either way, I am very thankful for every result! And I owe much to the mentors that appear when needed.

I really didn't answer all the questions above but certainly working on M&E makes me feel good. Work is at least 8 hours of my day so let me indulge. The other 8 I would rather spend sleeping, and the other 8, most of it goes to food, movies, friends, design, family, and I wish, more travel.